I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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