I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
