i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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