his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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