he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
