Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
