So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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