he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
