The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize