Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
