who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
