if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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