Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize