i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
