saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
