We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
