was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize