Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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