We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
