Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
