going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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