she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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