He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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