Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize