He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
