i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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