the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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