And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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