He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize