Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
