Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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