I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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