My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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