He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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