i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bring me that man meat
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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