Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
