she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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