Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Duck Duck Cougar?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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