Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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