sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
