i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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