My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
