i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
