I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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