just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
