barbara walters just said penis...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
