I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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