Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize