Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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