hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
