I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
