Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
