I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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