I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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