Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
