I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
