You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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