This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
