It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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