....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
