I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
