There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize