he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
