my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
