Will you blow on my dice?
i think my tv is drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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