shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I love having hate sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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