I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
