You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
