He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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