i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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