how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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