proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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