At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
