just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
