paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
