There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
