I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
