So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
