the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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