so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize