My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
