literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
