It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
