I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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