Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
