She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
