Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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