I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
