we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
