Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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