I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
