after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
