You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
