I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
