My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
