I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize