Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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