That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
