so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
