Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
