Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
