sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
