It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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