Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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