Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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