Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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