don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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