I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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